When you two kids gonna pop one out?
Mike and I have been married for just over two years and will both be 30 in the next year. Apparently one or both of these facts makes it okay for people to pry into our personal life and demand to know when we are having children. Never mind that we’re still saving for a home and we both put in tremendous hours at work – people inquire without knowing our circumstances. What if Mike is shooting blanks? What if I was born without a uterus? Do people really want to hear the gory details if the answer isn’t “we’re trying’?
People also love tell us that we are “off the hook” when they announce that they are expecting – like their making the decision to procreate relieves us of that duty for the foreseeable future. I’m especially resentful of this comment because it makes it seems like we’re not holding up our end of some bargain and they are doing us a favor.
We didn’t experience friends and family pressuring us to get married, so I never thought people would be as presumptive as to pressure us about children. Even our saleswoman at the Toyota dealership made a point of showing us the play area in the service department for “when the kids come” and asked us twice more as we were completing paperwork if we were going to have children – which may have been the most intrusive inquiry to date. Why would we discuss our reproductive plans with someone we’re buying a car from?
Mike and I mulled this topic over at dinner and he actually said something fairly prolific:
It’s not that I don’t want kids. I just don’t feel like we need kids.
I thought about it for a second, and I just can’t argue with that logic. We love kids (okay – we love my cousins, most other kids are always covered in jam and sound like a broken record), we think we could probably have a fun time dressing them up and embarrassing them in front of their friends, and kids are an excellent excuse to go to Disney World every year – but nothing about our current situation requires children to make us feel complete or happy or like a “real family.”
PS – Just becuase we don’t feel like we need kids right now doesn’t mean I’m not pissed that Dooce stole one of my favorite girl names.
PPS – If we ever do have kids, we’re going to pull a Natalie Dee and not make an announcement till the baby is home.
JMom
It must be just human nature for people to ask such questions or make insensitive comments. Or could it be that they just have nothing better to talk about? Questions concerning whether someone should get married, have kids or how much fatter they are now can get tiring. People who ask them shouldn’t be surprised when they get an equally rude answer.
Bravo for you and your husband for knowing what you want and need right now. I wish I would have waited at least three years of just me and my husband before we had kids.
JMoms last blog post..Bejeweled Giveaway!
Corrin
JMom – It just seems like such a private thing to ask a couple about, yet it’s so widely accepted! I don’t believe people think they are prying or have any ill intentions, but they need to be told (nicely, of course) that it’s none of their beeswax.
Laurie
Amen to all of the above.
Berdean
You can just tell them your Mom said no babies until she is ready!! HAAA
Tina Kubala
Chris and I are coming up on 10 years together and have been married since 2001.
We’ve gotten those questions so often I wish I was a good enough actress to burst into tears on cue. It would stop the conversation and embarrass those God awful people who think my reproduction (and therefore sex life) is their business.
The people with a right to know, already know. Everyone else can be curious in silence.
Tina Kubalas last blog post..Cat and Laptop
Jason
“We can’t afford kids while we have a car payment. Maybe after it’s paid off. Want to help with that?”
Try this, it might work.
Corrin
Tina – You hit on something my mom said when I discussed this with her – people are basically asking if you’re having sex when they ask about your plans to have children!
Corrin
Jason – I think I’m going to give that a try. They’ll either shut up or pony up the money – either way I win.
Adventures In Babywearing
Ha- so funny cuz it’s true. : )
What other names do you like?
Steph
Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..This isn’t what I sat down to write.
LadyGrace
I really love that comment ‘It’s not that I don’t want kids. I just don’t feel like we need kids.’
I think people feel like they need children these days for one reason or the other.
I think if you are happy going through life the way you are then so be it. You dont need children to be happy, a great house and job is enough for alot of people. GOod on ya for standing up for what you believe you want.
We kept getting people asking when our next one will be. Not that its their business, I should go into deatail how we have sex a certain way just in hope we concieve hahaha (we dont btw…)
LadyGraces last blog post..Child Abuse!!??
Sadie
I feel ya on this one. My husband and I will be married two years in August. He’s 36 already, so I guess people think that gives them the right to ask us that question. Well, my answer is: when I have enough money in the bank not to worry about my bills, and when I feel like we’re “settled”. We’ve moved 3 times since we’ve been married. It’s exhausting! I finally have a good job, and his business is doing pretty well considering the economy. I want to get into a house!
Sadies last blog post..Vacationing on a Diet
Corrin
Steph – I can’t give out my fave names because everyone is stealing them! (Shhh…Margo and Jane also top my list.)
Corrin
LadyGrace – I agree. And even for couples with children, it’s no one’s business if they are trying for more or are happy with how their family is.
Corrin
Sadie – A house is next on our list, too. I just don’t think it’s fair to have kids in an apartment. I know the kids in our apartment complex just don’t look as happy as I was as a kid with a big backyard and a pool!