Bizarre news stories are really catching my eye this week. First it was the new sphincter, then the pregnant man and the drunk in the trash truck, and now it’s a man caught having sex with a picnic table!

I know most of us don’t want to hear specifics, but I’d love to find out how he pulled off sex with a picnic table…not once, but multiple times. The man freely admitted having sex with a picnic table and another table inside his house. All caught on tape, to boot!

What a slut. That picnic table is going to be so pissed when it finds out he was two-timing with a kitchen table. Lord only knows how many coffee tables and bedside stands are out there that haven’t come forward yet!

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