I have eight years of marketing experience. I have my MBA from a Big Ten University. I’m friendly and outgoing and have a strong work ethic.

My self-esteem isn’t hurting, either.

Finding a job shouldn’t be hard. But it is. I’ve had one interview in the past month (well – three with one company). And I never heard back from them.

So, what’s the problem?

I’m sure they Googled me. Everybody Googles everybody. I’ve probably Googled you.

So, is my blog the problem?

I wouldn’t hesitate to talk about anything I’ve ever blogged about.  I’ve made lots of friends and traveled all over the country because of my blog. My mom reads my bog and doesn’t seem too offended – except when I say balls. She doesn’t like when I say balls. And I don’t blog about anything particularly controversial – except maybe that one post about the Duggars. People really got whipped up over that one.

The biggest blogging compliment I ever received was that I act and talk exactly like I blog. If you don’t like my blog, you probably won’t like me.

So, why is this eating at me?

Oh, that’s right – because I need a paycheck.

Potential employers – please see my Linkedin profile.

And take the vibrator posts with a grain of salt.

I wish I could say that Mike and I are having a gay old time looking at home plans online, picking out fixtures, carpeting, and countertops, and daydreaming about our perfect life in a new home, but apparently we’ll be moving into a van down by the river since we weren’t approved for our mortgage.

I’m pissed and frustrated and disappointed.

And embarrassed.

But I know its not the end of the world. We’ll work our asses off for the next 6 months, be tighter than a virgin’s daughter with our money, and all will be right with the world.

We made our bed, now we have to lay in it.

Even if it is an inflatable mattress.

Mike and I made a quick stop at the apple orchard this weekend – and I do mean quick – it was colder than a witches titty and there were mob scenes in line for tractor rides.

That’s when I was attacked by a rabid 4-year-old.

The little shit was on my list as soon as I spotted him because he took a bite out of the pumpkin I was eyeing. I know we were at the apple orchard – but there’s a distinct difference between apples and pumpkins that the little brat just couldn’t grasp.

As we’re waiting patiently in line, devil boy is trying to devour pumpkins while his parents completely ignore his behavior when he suddenly grabs one of those long pimply gourd, walks up to me, and whacks me in the hand with it for no damn good reason.

I was floored and I finally said “that did not feel very good” in my best Cruella Devilla voice and he scuttered off – hopefully to play in the street. I think his parents attempted to make him apologize because a few minutes later he ran up to me, lisped something, and then dove head first into a pile of pumpkins.

He’s going to be a fine addition to society in 10 years.

Can a person die from back pain? Because I’m pretty sure I’m taking my last breaths as I blog. That’s why I’ve decided to publish a quick obituary.

Corrin was a talented blogger; highly intelligent and articulate, with a penchant for sarcasm and a flair for the dramatic. She earned her Masters Degree from Indiana University in 2005 but never earned enough money to justify the cost of tuition. She was pretty, kind, charming, well-dressed, pleasantly plump, had more good hair days than bad, and loved animals (except cats).

Much to her husband’s chagrin, Corrin used coupons, slept with the fan on, mooned people regularly, and never swept the floor.

In lieu of flowers, please send donations to Visa to pay off Corrin’s credit card debt before her husband sees the current balance on their joint account.

Please use the comments below to say a few kind words about Corrin and how she touched your life.

This makes me angry.

WIC is the federal agency that provides health services to low-income women, infant and children. To promote breastfeeding, a new program has mandated the reallocation of funds used for baby food, juice, fruits and veggies in such a way that women who partially or exclusively bottlefeed will receive 13% less formula than they have in previous years.

We love to think that breastfeeding or bottlefeeding is a choice, but it’s not for some mothers. There’s a whole slew of reasons why someone might not be able to breastfeed and now the organization that was supposed to help is taking away benefits that were previously offered.

So aggravating.

But thankfully, there is a solution that makes baby formula more affordable for families. Parent’s Choice baby formula is a “generic” baby formula – which is completely misleading because all baby formulas sold in the United States are held to the same high standards by the FDA, so there is nothing generic or inferior about Parent’s Choice – that can save parents up to $600 per year when compared to brand name formulas. That means that the money WIC recipients do receive can go that much further when purchasing baby formula.

If you’re formula feeding your baby, take a look at the savings calculator and compare your current formula to Parent’s Choice. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.