Today is the first anniversary of my divorce. I don’t really know what to say about it, but I feel like I need to acknowledge it.
It’s a situation a lot of people don’t seem to understand. Mike and I get along better now than we ever did married. We go out to dinner, we walk the dog, we even went to South Padre for the weekend earlier this summer. I mean, who else are you going to be more comfortable going away with for the weekend than someone you lived with for eight years?
My mom even refers to him as “your friend, Mike.”
Our friendship doesn’t change the fact that he was a shit husband (and he’d probably say I was a shit wife – though I prefer to think of myself as spirited), but he is a much better friend. I guess when you move across the country with someone to a place where neither of you knows anyone, you kind of stick together. It’s a shame that amicable divorces are that rare that we’re judged more harshly for being on good terms with our former spouses than we are for dragging each other through the mud.
Am I happy I’m divorced? Not exactly. Was it a positive change in my life? Absolutely. I’m in a much better place now that I’m not holding myself responsible for things I can’t control.
I’ve been thinking about taking a solo vacation for a while now and it’s come up again since I’ve been reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed. Not that I’d do anything that…uncivilized, mind you. I’m thinking a few days somewhere with some sights to see and a boutique hotel with a nice pool and room service.
I’ve traveled quite a bit by myself but I’ve never vacationed by myself. Have you? (Judging by the response on Twitter, lots of you have, which I think is fantastic.) Where’d you go? What’s the most difficult part? (I always think eating alone is super awkward – hence the desire for some great room service.)
Marfa, Texas (and the Prada Marfa art installation)
Frank Lloyd Wright’s Taliesen West in Scottsdale, Arizona
Tidepools at Cabrillo National Monument near San Diego.
Vancouver would knock an item off my 40×40 list, too.
One of the things I miss most about being married (go ahead and get ready to pass judgement) is wearing my wedding rings. Big fat sparkly diamonds FTW!
I’ve never really equated my rings with my husband. With being married? Yes. Specifically with him? No. Maybe because I picked out the rings (and wrote the check to pay for them every month). Anyway, I miss wearing them and given that resale values are pathetic, it seems like such a waste for them to be sitting in a safety deposit box*. That’s why I’ve been casually browsing rings to get ideas on how I can re-purpose mine.
I figured women did this all the time, but after reading some recent articles about divorce rings I didn’t realize it was such a hot (and polarizing) topic. I don’t feel like it’s celebrating the failure of my marriage or would jeopardize future relationships (My mom suggested using the main diamond in a new setting if I ever remarry, but even I draw the line at reusing diamonds for vows. Plus, I’m going to need something bigger and better.), I just want to be able to wear something beautiful that I paid a lot of money for.
What do you think about divorce rings? If you’re divorced, did you do anything with your rings? And because I can’t resist searching Pinterest for jewelry, what do you think about these rings that I’ve pinned for inspiration?
My rings. Miss you. Love you. xoxo.
The “divorce ring” that started it all. I actually really like it and I don’t think anyone would know it’s a “divorce ring” unless you went around shouting “OMG MY DIVORCE RING. SEE – A DAGGER IN THE HEART.” Obnoxious.
I could squirrel away the solitaire and use the smaller stones for a new multi-band ring.
I could go super funky.
Or I could have some of the stones set at random in a wide hammered band. This is my favorite idea so far because it doesn’t look bridal and the designer comes highly recommended from a friend.
* Dear potential burglars. Please note that I said these rings are in a safety deposit box and not my apartment. Also note that the resale value of jewelry is hooey. Trust me.
Since I’m going to eventually have to date again (I’m actually quite looking forward to it if anyone wants to pencil something in – my schedule is open), I’ve been compiling a mental list of things that I’ll be accessing in potential love interests. My mom says I’ll be alone forever if my list gets any longer, to which I say – I have books, a dog, and a blog. I will never be alone.
That doesn’t scream spinster AT ALL.
So, here are my wants, qualifiers, deal breakers, the things I’ve got my eye on:
- How you treat a stranger is important. Especially pregnant woman, waiters/waitresses, children, and old fogies. Actually, how you treat everyone is important.
- If you drive like an asshole, you are an asshole. A giant asshole if you drive a Texas Edition of any vehicle.
- If you’re car is gross, you are gross. You shouldn’t be able to live for a month off of what is in your back seat.
- I’m a homebody. If you’re a social butterfly, it’ll never work out.
- No video games. No exceptions. If I wanted a teenage son, I would have given birth in high school.
- An equal level of education is highly preferred. Being the smart one in a relationship is just as bad as being the stupid one.
- I don’t give smokers the time of day.
- If you think you’re family is weird, God only knows what I’ll say about them on Twitter.
- If you “don’t get” blogging or Twitter, you “don’t get” me.
- Poor grammar and smiley faces in emails. Delete delete delete.
- Not being able to accept responsibility for anything. The moment you say “but it wasn’t my fault,” it probably was.
- Love me, love my dog.
- There’s a height requirement. The taller the better.
- If your legs or arms are smoother than mine, we have a problem. If you shave your armpits, you’re totally creepy.
- You are, presumably, in your 30′s. Why do you have a roommate?
- Inappropriate use of flip flops. Also known as HOLY CHRIST YOUR FEET.
There are so many more, but let’s start with these. What are your deal breakers? Have you ever let one slide?
How often do you buy yourself flowers? They’re one of my indulgences.
Well, one of my many indulgences.
I believe in self-gifting.
Nothing extravagant, just a $4 bouquet of carnations or daisies or mixed flowers from the grocery store. I know this sounds cheesy and corny and kind of out of character for me, but my little bouquets are just enough to make the day feel special and make me stop for a whiff as I walk through the house. I really think we should all take the time and do this more often – treat ourselves to something that we traditionally wait for others to give us, because in the words of @JenKCunningham, we fucking deserve it.
But please, no baby’s breath.
Wouldn’t it be awesome to have a fund so that people could buy themselves a $4 bouquet every so often? All our internet friends sign up, throw what they can afford in a pot, and once a week we PayPal someone $4 with a note to treat themselves. I’m loving this idea.