Samantha, I know you and Lindsay Lohan are doing the lesbian thing and that Lindsey is the lipstick half of your relationship, but you have got to ditch the high-tops. Especially with a bikini, which I even have to admit that your skinny-ass looks better in than I thought it would.

You don’t have to go through drug rehabilitation to know that high-tops on a girl in a bikini are not the most flattering accessory. Maybe your vacation in Mexico with Lindsay is really couples drug rehab and you’ll come out a few pounds heavier, with a tan, and flip flops.

You might want to consider it, because Lindsay is way out of your league, and the high-tops just might push her over the edge.

I love Britney Spears and I cannot wait for her big comeback, but the cover for her new single, Womanizer, is so tragically delusional, I can’t take it.

Who does she thinks she is with those legs? Heidi Klum? Dream on Britney, with your stubby little tree-trunk legs, dream on!

EDIT: I realize the photo is nipped and tucked from serveral places, but who actually thought they were fooling anyone with those legs? Seriously!

I like Kim Kardashian. I think she’s pretty, albeit totally skanky and absolutely crazy. This week, in order to debunk rumors that she’s larger than 117 pounds she claims, Kim posted a video of herself trying on size 26-27 jeans, which proves absolutely nothing besides the fact that she had the tags switched.

One thing I take away from this video is that even celebrities have to pull and tug to get into their jeans, and for that, I am thankful.

The headline from Us Weekly makes it sound like Dannielynn has never made a public appearance or has been in hiding for years. Larry Birkhead is always pimping little Dannielynn out, so it’s not like she’s been out of the public eye, but you have to admit that she’s pretty cute.

The bullet on the magazine cover that she “poses like Mom” is a little disturbing, but we’ll try to ignore the Playboy reference and focus on how cute Dannielynn is and hope that she didn’t inherit her mother’s bad judgment…just her money.

My sister spent the weekend trying to charm her way into Fashion Week. She never made it into any shows (I recommended taking note of what the caterers were wearing for next year), but she did get all paparazzi like and spot some celebrities.

Rachel Zoe - how does one walk in shoes where your toes are three inches off the ground?

Anna Wintour - the whole place went silent when she walked through, probably because everyone was scared shitless.

Anderson Cooper - the silver fox.

There was also a spotting of Leighton Meester, but sadly no photos.

I may be a season behind, but I’m addicted to Gossip Girl. I blogged about it before it first went on the air, but never had the time to tune in, so I added season one to my Netflix and spent Sunday trying to catch up..

I love Blair. I’m just waiting for her to struggle with an addiction to diet pills or maybe compulsive shopping, but the real gossip this week is that Leighton Meester was born in jail while her mother was incarcerated for dealing drugs. Leighton’s grandfather, father, and aunt also did time for dealing, so it was a real family business.

The gossip got me wondering…were you born anywhere weird? Do you know anyone that popped out at an inconvenient time? In the back of a car? In a restroom? In the middle of theme park?

The photograph to the left was taken by photographer Randy Baughn and won first place in a photography contest at the Indiana State Fair. After a few days of display, enough complaints were received concerning its display that the photo was removed from the exhibition, although it did retain its blue ribbon.

It’s a pretty picture. The shadows on the concrete wall are very interesting. Though it’s not particularly classy on the bride’s part, I wouldn’t consider it as risqué or suggestive as some of the complaints stated.

What do you think of the photo? Would you be offended to see it on display? Does it make you uncomfortable?

Jennifer Love Hewitt freaked out not even a year ago about unflattering pictures of her in a bathing suit, saying that the photos were fakes, she loves her body, she’s not fat, she comfortably wears a size 2, blah blah blah.

So, why exactly is she now on the cover of Us Weekly concerning her miraculous weight loss and sharing exactly how she lost 18 pounds in 10 weeks?

I mean, if I were a size 2 and loved my body so much, I wouldn’t be trying to lose 18 pounds and letting a national publication plaster my before picture, in which she looks very much as she does in her “I’m not fat, I’m a size 2″ picture, on their cover.

Last night, I helped Mike get ready for his big job interview with a local fire department by reviewing his resume. He has a whole packet of papers we assembled to give to the interviewer, and I joked that he should include a headshot, so he pulled out his photo album from his stint in the army, and these are my two favorites…

I hear that being trained as a medic in the army means you are the government’s guinea pig and get to stick needles in each other’s arms till you figure out how to insert an IV correctly.

I also hear that you can get in big trouble if you’re a Private and get caught stealing the Drill Sargent’s hat. Good thing he didn’t get caught.

Finally! Someone credible speaks out against Ali Lohan turning into a wrinkly old woman at the ripe old age of 14. Unfortunately, Anderson didn’t mention Kelly Ripa’s transformation into a 12 year old boy with ADHD.