Even though I do shop, I don’t like to shop. I don’t browse. I don’t window shop. I don’t ever take a leisurely stroll through the local mall.

I buy as much as I can online. When I’m forced to go into a store, I know what I want, I buy it, and I get the hell out.

Which is why I’m convinced that the universe has a cruel sense of humor because when I have absolutely no money is precisely the time that I want to shop.

Not only do I want to shop, I’m utterly convinced that I can’t live without everything I see.

[My 30th birthday is quickly approaching. All of the items below are approved and acceptable gifts. In case you were wondering. Which I know you aren't. But hope you are.]

Kitchenaid Mixer

Partly Sunny necklace from Allora Homemade

Gold Glitters Toms

American Apparel unisex short sleeve deep v-neck in every color

Lands End Ruffle Tunic Swimsuit

Mini bow earrings from Tiffany & Co.

Old Navy Whirly Skirt

7th Heaven Seasons 1-9

Canon Rebel T2i

I could not even get lucky enough for any of these companies to send me any of these products in my time of need, so don’t even consider for a second that this is a sponsored post.

I recently saw Kevin Carroll speak and am still digesting all the great messages in his presentation, but this quote (which is in the introduction to his first book, Rules of the Red Rubber Ball) was especially poignant given my current job search and my concern about how my job relates to my career (or if I’m going to be forced to choose).

Enjoy.

The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to wonder whether he is working or playing. To him he’s always doing both.

James A. Michener

So, when did Ali Lohan turn into Bette Davis circa 1962?

Easy on the face powder, Baby Jane.

Is there anything from your childhood that haunts you?

Something that still freaks you out, even to this day?

I remember watching Bert and Ernie explore a pyramid on Sesame Street exactly once.

In 1982.

Last night was Egypt night on the Discover Channel and the memories came flooding back. I couldn’t even watch long enough to see if they found the tomb of King Akhenaten!

After the original airing, the clip was trimmed down and underscoring was added. Which just proves that it freaked the shit out of other kids, too.

Barbie recently got her 125th job.

As a Julia Roy impersonator computer engineer.

You can tell she’s all brains by her glasses and binary graphic tee. And her pink laptop is sure to catapult her straight to the top of her profession.

That is, if she isn’t outsourced first.